things i’m okay with: white male protagonists
things i’m not okay with: literally every protagonist being a white male protagonist
stark or lannister or targaryen or greyjoy
dorne or king’s landing or winterfell
direwolves or dragons
oberyn or doran
sansa or margaery or daenerys
the night’s watch or the kingsguard
westeros or beyond the wall
book one or two or three or four or five (can’t choose bye)
the hound or the mountain that rides
the red wedding or the purple wedding
robb or joffrey or stannis or renly
queen or khaleesi
tyrion or jaime or cersei
tyrell or martell
the books or the tv show
ESTP: super attractive physically but it’s all downhill from there. never quite know what they’re going to do next but you can probably bet it will be irresponsible. somehow still lovable.
ESTJ: loud, logical, and get shit done — they are the warrior class of the life rpg. power stats make them unbeatable and if you encounter one, maybe just curl up and forfeit, to save time.
ESFP: giggly little shits. fun fun fun till her daddy takes the t-bird away. great for lifting your mood, not that great at lifting your credit score.
ESFJ: too appropriate, totally lacking in awkwardness. they’ll never forget your birthday, which will make you feel like shit when you constantly forget theirs.
ENTP: excellent companions if you enjoy people who instantly see through all your shit. very clever and very intuitive, you can’t fool them. i suggest you invest in other friends — ones you *can* fool.
ENTJ: impatient with people who make mistakes, namely, everyone. they’ll respect you if you stand up to them but why do that when you can run away instead. cuddle them and see what happens. i’m curious.
ENFP: too puppy to live. best suited for the profession of musical nanny. not advised for use around an open flame.
ENFJ: way too charming and capable, maybe they should stop making everyone else look bad. prone to making other people care about stuff they didn’t want to care about. so annoying.
ISTP: such butts. best suited for an apocalypse scenario, if no such scenario exists, they will create danger because they get bored. don’t encourage them, but don’t discourage them, as reverse psychology works too well.
ISTJ: low drama and low maintenance, best value at this price tier. best suited to actual human existence. least weird, which makes them kinda weird.
ISFP: squishy little darlings you might want to keep in your pocket, but please don’t or they will become forlorn. they notice everything, and it’s unnerving.
ISFJ: quietly and proudly do things for others. if you have a ring you need to deliver to mordor, take an ISFJ along with you for best results.
INTP: cute intergalactic spiders you want to hug and mistrust. prone to making you laugh but then days later you will wonder whether you were the butt of the joke.
INTJ: major dicks and kinda proud of it. prone to being right. prone to liking trance music way too much. all the ones i’ve ever met have been unexpectedly kinky. so i guess, expectedly.
INFP: they fall out of the sky and are raised by unicorns. if you feed one it will follow you home. they dissipate in water.
INFJ: chameleons appropriating your emotions and going quietly mad. prone to meltdowns and needing lots of naps.
snorting through my sobs
you’re twelve. no one cares about a twelve-year-old enough to be archenemies with them except maybe voldemort but then again he’s also the man who agreed to live on the back of other man’s head.
weird notion of “most powerful wizardry”, if you ask me.
and really, potter, are you actually that dense
can’t you see it written all across malfoy’s unhumanly large forehead that he just wants to be bffs with you
are you sure you’ve never banged your head on the ceiling of that stupid cupboard because i’m thinking brain damage here, sir
#omg i love that the over-inflated self importance applies to both of them like draco would TOTALLY consider himself potter’s archnemesis because it’s better than being his nobody meanwhile tom riddle is crying his deformed spirit baby self to sleep at night and anytime in between because what is he chopped liver? so sad how this changes after GOF like as soon as old voldermortz has a body again harry’s like SORRY MALFOY BIGGER PROBLEMS YOU UNDERSTAND and draco is like I MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT UNDERSTAND ugh the worst kind of transgression I THOUGHT THIS ARCHRIVALRY MEANT SOMETHING TO YOU POTTER and sirius dies and voldy truly becomes the sole recipient of harry’s rage I SAID I WAS BUSY MALFOY!!!!!! but malfoy’s dedicated antagonism is still this lovely comforting white noise throughout it all until it ISN’T and despite everything else he has to worry about harry’s like YOU GUYS I THINK MALFOY IS UP TO SOMETHING…. SOMETHING EVIL because obviously anything that distracts draco from their archrivalry is evil (see: voldemort in harry’s case) except draco doesn’t have time for HIM anymore and oh ho ho the tables turn and harry stays up late watching draco on the marauder’s map and thinking about his hair and basically voldemort is just the worst kind of cockblock
I think you’re absolutely on the right side of this argument, and here’s what we say to Snape lovers:
We all accept the following to be true, right?
- Stalking is wrong.
- Emotional abuse is wrong.
- Cruelty to children and animals is wrong.
- Blaming someone for their parents’ actions is wrong.
- Racial discrimination is wrong.
- Murder (the killing of civilians when you have no self-defence excuse) is wrong.
We’re good so far, yeah? If you saw someone doing those things in real life, you’d stop them or call the cops, right? I just want to make sure we’re all on the same page here. Morally, those things are wrong (and illegal). So, moving out of hypothetical moral discourse and into the realm of things Snape actually did in the Harry Potter books and/or movies:
- Snape called Lily a Mudblood, which in the HP verse is a pretty serious racial slur. It’s like using the ‘n’ word or the ‘f’ word (not the ‘fuck’ word) in our society. It’s nasty.
- Snape treated Hermione terribly and heavily implied that it was because she was Muggle-born. Again, racial discrimination. A teacher in the real-life school I went to was fired for that.
- Snape was in a position of power over Harry and treated him (and many other Gryffindors) exceedingly poorly. He was rude, condescending, unfair in his enforcement of the rules, manipulative, and probably other things besides. This counts as emotional abuse. If someone in a position of power over you treats you the way Snape treated Harry, even if he saves your life, you are being emotionally abused.
- On that same note, Snape was a grown man who acted like a five-year-old throwing a tantrum at Harry and his friends.
- Snape was Neville Longbottom’s worst fear. JKR treats it lightly in the books, but the fact remains that a thirteen-year-old boy was so afraid of Snape that he couldn’t speak to him, and that the thought of him stepping out of a wardrobe was almost too much for Neville to handle. No adult should ever terrify a child like this. It’s emotional abuse, and it’s abuse of power.
- Snape mistreated Harry because of actions James had taken. Not only is it childish to hold onto this grudge, it’s just plain wrong to treat someone badly because you disliked their parents. This is the same prejudice the Dursleys held against Harry. If you believe that the Dursleys had no excuse for their behaviour, how can you believe that Snape does have one?
- Snape killed many innocent people just because they were Muggle-born.
I want to address this last point before I move on. Now, you can argue that the cost of a few lives for Snape to get close to Voldemort and help carry out Dumbledore’s grand plan for the war was worth it - and if that was the only crime that Snape had committed, I might be persuaded to see him as morally grey; you might be able to convince me that he was only being a vile person because he had to be. But if you look at the rest of this list, you’ll realise that really, Snape deeply enjoyed being a vile person.
So now you see that Snape was terrible to Harry, Hermione, Neville, and even Lily just because he enjoyed doing it, and you see that he did much worse to complete strangers who had committed no crime.
And that’s just the short list.
Great, now let’s talk about why Snily is one of the worst ships that anyone could ever ship.
- Snape was cruel to Petunia when they were children, even though Lily was trying very hard to maintain a relationship with her sister despite their differences.
- Snape tried to manipulate Lily into loving him and only him, and putting aside all of her other relationships.
- Snape did not respect Lily’s beliefs and opinions.
- After Lily started dating James, Snape started referring to her as a Mudblood - indicating that his friendship and his “love” were not unconditional.
- Snape willingly became a Death Eater, a member of a group who hunted people like Lily for fun, and at the time he saw absolutely nothing wrong with that.
- After Lily’s death, Snape left her son in his crib. He left a crying, helpless infant all alone in a wrecked house in a thunderstorm while there were rogue Death Eaters on the loose. He essentially left Harry to die.
- And then he cut the two people she loved most out of her photograph and pretended that they had never existed, that he was the only person who mattered in her life.
- And then, as mentioned above, he abused Harry emotionally and became the bane of his existence for years.
Snape did not love Lily. You don’t call someone you love a racial slur. You don’t insist that the person you love choose you over her other friends. If the person you love has a son she gave her life for, you don’t treat him badly just because you feel like it.
Yes, even if that love is unrequited.
What Snape felt for Lily was not love; it was possessiveness. He wanted her to be his. He wanted her to leave James for him. He wanted her to pick sides for him. He wanted to hold her close and smother her and never let her go. Snape didn’t love Lily; he loved himself. He was a narcissistic, bitter, emotionally abusive creep who couldn’t deal with the fact that his first crush ended up marrying someone else.
"But wait!" you say, white-knuckling your desk and probably wishing you had a wand to hex me with for saying such things about your baby. "He had an abusive childhood! He was lonely! He was sad! He was greasy and no one loved him! Doesn’t that excuse everything?”
Keep your shirt on. No, it doesn’t excuse anything.
People are responsible for their own actions. Tom Riddle’s dad didn’t love him either, and does that excuse him committing genocide? No? So why should Snape’s acne problem excuse him participating in genocide and attempting to make his supposed “true love“‘s child into someone just as bitter and miserable as he was? Look, Snape wasn’t just a little creepy. He was a murderer. He was as abusive as Dolores Umbridge. He was as self-centered as Voldemort. Harry was abused as a child, and he didn’t turn out to be a complete monster, so why does Snape get a free pass?
Romanticisting Snape is not only incredibly stupid and short-sighted, it’s dangerous. Putting men like this into fiction and presenting them as “good guys” or morally grey or brave or deserving of sympathy encourages the boys who read these books to behave like Snape, and it encourages the straight girls/gay boys who read these books to accept the existence of these men in real life and to want to date them. Which you don’t ever, ever want to do.
If you ever meet a Snape in real life, run the other way, and don’t give him your sympathy.
tl;dr Having a sad backstory does not automatically make you sympathetic. Doing one good thing does not automatically make you a beacon of bravery and justice. Fuck you, Snivellus.
He is a giant asshole. His humor is being mean to other people. I actually physically can’t stomach too much of him so I’ll list like the top 5 reasons why he’s a douche.
Warning: extreme misogyny and general assholery ahead.
- Kim Kardashian wanted to remember the Armenian genocide, but apparently fuck Kim Kardashian
- Jason is a big fan of The Bachelor
- He went on a disgusting twitter rant during the 2012 RNC
- Only an asshole can possibly be married to Jenny Mollen
Exhibit B: She bought Jason a prostitute, and wrote an absolutely atrocious article about it. Stay classy there J-Squared.
Shows what a shitty comedian and general horrible human being you are if the only way you can be funny is at other peoples expense imo.
Let’s never forget what a douchebag Jason Biggs is. And before you defend him, read his reaction to people reacting to this tweet. Before his publicist undoubtedly forced him to give a more civil response..
i’ve dated at least *counts on fingers* zero people